Gator's Rant - Crackhead, you have done me wrong

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Gator's Rant - Crackhead, you have done me wrong
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Hey Crackhead…
Yes you, you silly fucker. The other morning I emerged from my girlfriend's place to find that you had sawed the tops off both the sparkplugs on my motorcycle. At the time, I had no idea why anyone would do that. Other than the sparkplugs, the bike was untouched. Some kind of bizarre vandalism? A fraternity prank gone awry? I had no idea.
I had it towed to the shop ($75) where they replaced the sparkplugs and the boots ($50 including labor). They explained to me that "people" like you break off the tops of spark plugs and use the porcelain tubes to smoke crack.
Despite dropping 125 bones at the shop, I felt I had gained some fascinating knowledge, a new set of sparkplugs, and a pretty funny story about how fucked up y'all crackheads are.
But you couldn't just let sleeping dogs lie, could you Crackhead? Two porcelain crackpipes just wasn't enough for you, was it Crackhead? You just had to come back for more. Two days later, I found my scooter had been violated once again.
Crackhead, you have done me wrong. Here's my question:
Why don't you own a crack pipe? I am a publisher. Because publishing is the main thing I do, I went out and bought the tools of the trade. The main thing you do is smoke crack. How do you get by without a crackpipe? The other crackheads must clown on you non-stop. I mean, the fucking saw you used to cut off my sparkplugs is probably worth five or ten bucks. Why not sell it or trade it for a crackpipe? Please don't tell me you sold your crackpipe to buy crack. Even you couldn't be that stupid.
So anyway, I have now coated my sparkplugs in rat poison. This is all the warning you'll get, you non-reading bastard.
PS: If you're not the Crackhead who took my plugs, please disregard this message.