Gator's Rant - Drink like a manly man

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Gator's Rant - Drink like a manly man
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Okay Mister Tough Guy, you roared up on your very noisy Harley and walked into the bar wearing full regalia, including a pair of jackboots Klaus Barbie would have coveted and a pair of dark "fuck off" sunglasses. You stormed up like a manly man and slammed your hairy fist on the bar and loudly named your poison: Jack and Coke.
You have got to be fucking kidding me. I'm a faithful disciple of Jack Daniels, and my refrigerator always has a shitload of Coca Cola, and I can see where sometimes the two might end up being mixed into a drink - by a chick or by my effeminate nephew Elroy. But why would a real he-man like yourself water down his manly-man drink with coke?
Is the whiskey too strong for you? If so, maybe you ought to go back to something that won't upset your tummy, like milk for Christ sakes. If you're going to drink the real shit, drink it neat like a man. If you must have the soda pop, get it on the side in a separate glass as a chaser. Sip the whiskey and, after savoring the warm glow for a bit, chase the aftertaste down. Repeat as often as necessary. That's acceptable. It would be better of course to leave the kiddie drinks out of the equation and get a beer chaser, or no chaser at all.
If you're mainly just trying to impress people with what a badass you are, that's the way to go. And don't spout off with that bullshit about how you really like the taste of Jack and Coke together. I bet I could switch the bourbon out for some Evan Williams and you wouldn't guess it in a million years. If you were drinking your hooch straight, the way God intended, you'd know the difference before you even tasted it.
If you're going to have a cocktail, use a cocktail liquor like rum, gin, or vodka. Nobody thinks you're a tough guy when they see you watering down good whiskey with carbonated kool-aid. They think you're a wannabe. It makes you look like a jackass. As cowboys say, you're "all hat & no cattle".
All of the above also applies to Jim Beam, Wild Turkey and
other "manly" bourbons. Make mine straight.