Gator's Rant - Life in balloon land

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Have you ever been driving down the road, and passed an apartment complex with a bunch of balloons tied out front? Of course you have. There are usually signs that say something like "99 months free rent, zero deposit". Here's my advice: NEVER move into a place with balloons tied up to it. Any place that has a management team that thinks balloons are the solution to their vacancy problem has got to be all fucked up. And it is always the most screwed up apartments with the shittiest management that invariably have balloons out front. Especially the red, white and blue "patriotic" balloons.
Now, I bet you that the person who is sent to put up the balloons is the maintenance guy. So instead of fixing the stopped up commode in 28-C, he's out front hanging up fucking balloons all day.
Can you imagine what kind of mentality one would have to possess to be attracted to an apartment complex because of balloons? Fuck the floor plan, never mind the parking - let's see those balloons!
What can these idiots be thinking? Business is slow, so someone (there's always an idiot in every workplace, usually at the top) says "Hey, our problems are solved! We just need some balloons!"
And do you really think people are going to believe you're a good patriotic American because the balloons are red white and blue? Hell no, what they'll think is: Here's another greedy bastard using the symbols men died for to enrich himself. It just pisses people off.
If they really want to rent the apartments, they need to come up with better names. Apartments all have names that are a combination of two or three words from an official list that includes: river, pine, brook, forest, crossing, oak, garden, green, etc.
How about a name that implies hot chicks? Pussy Willow Apartments, or Titmouse Meadows have a nice ring. I'd rent a crib. Most apartment people party a lot, so Whiskey Bend would sound good to some, as would Brewers Pond, Bong Creek, or Rum Harbour.
If the balloons are a must, inflate some condoms and put 'em out there. That should get some attention.
I hate to be the one to break this news to the apartment managers, but balloons will not work as a substitute for good management practices. Get rid of the balloons and get your asses to work.