Gator's Rant - Acronymphomania

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Gator's Rant - Acronymphomania
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You might think it's just a bunch of BS, but I used to drink Seven & 7 with the CEOs of IBM and BP. This was after I graduated from A&M with my PhD and a GPA of 3.5, and went to work at NASA. On the QT, they once gave me the 411 on an IPO, so I thought I should roll the CDs in my 401k ASAP.
On my way to NYC (I flew TWA), I sat next to this "10" with 36dds. I BSed her, telling her I was AWOL from the USMC after a fellow GI put LSD on my BLT at the USO.
She was a real MILF, from LA, where she was a CSR for AT&T. She was taking some R&R and wanted to rent a car at JFK, see the WTC, then head down I-95 to PA where her BFF was expecting her PDQ. She okayed me to go along, so we rented a BMW, made a u-turn, and turned on the mp3 player. We listened to some STP and REM at 55 MPH.
There was a SNAFU. She put her hands in my BVDs, and whipped out my WMD. Then she gave me a BJ. It was A-OK.
When we got to PA, her friend CJ turned out to be a chick I had once 86ed after giving her an STD, so she called me an SOB and a MFer but after while she stopped PMSing. Then we all got KO'd on some MD 20-20 and a bottle of VO.
There were drugs there, including a bottle of GHB, which I ended up drinking, believing it was H20. I got the DTs, and saw a UFO and thought I had ESPN. That's when the DEA, NYPD, and SPCA came crashing through the door. It seems that there was an APB from the FBI for the MILF for knocking off an ATM using an AK-47 in OKC on MLK Day.
By the time the five-o finally ROR'd me from the jail at the PD it was 5 AM. I was ready for some Zzzz's, but I had to be back in DFW to see my CPA and pick up a 1099 to send to the IRS on the UPS truck. I was really PO'ed when the FAA postponed my flight because the NWS said the storm was f-5.
So I went to the airport bar where the SOBs charged me $5 for an MGD. It's enough to make you join AA. I met a SWF there, a BBW from AOL, and we ended up at a Motel 6 in BFE, where we did it k-9 style, then watched HBO till 6pm.
PS: She gave me VD so I went to the ER at UTMB. They put me in ICU and gave me an MRI. FYI, the BBW ended up PG, aka preggers, i.e. knocked up. So now I'm SOL.