Gator's Rant - A gringo in Mexico

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Gator's Rant - A gringo in Mexico
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Traveling in Mexico is fun except for a few minor details. Like for instance, you have no idea what anyone is saying. And you imagine that the parts of the conversations you don’t understand are
something they will laugh about with their friends for years to come:
Me: How much is this T shirt?
Vendor: The T shirts we sell to fat asshole gringo pigs like yourself are only 1200 pesos.
Of course, the only part I can understand is “1200 pesos“. That’s why they smile so much.
The truth is that you don’t need to know Spanish because everyone you interact with can get by in
passable English anyway. So they wait patiently while you butcher their language and then ask you what you want in English.
There are many cultural things to learn in Mexico that are not mentioned in any of the guide books. (Actually, I haven’t read any guide books, but I’m sure some things would not be mentioned in them.)
For example, hotels in Mexico use the Mexican towel system. You have to sign out towels like books in a library and if you don’t return them by 8 PM they charge your room the full cost of the factory that made the towels in the first place.
Perhaps the most interesting part of being in Mexico is the way you are viewed as a gigantic dollar
bill with arms and legs. If you walk within 500 yards of any commercial establishment you are
immediately assaulted with offers to sell you something, feed you something or do some unspecified thing to your body. “Here, amigo, we have the biggest lobsters in town and a table is waiting for you at the best table in the restaurant where our waiter will massage your back for only 5,000 pesos.” Many merchants have perfected these lines over the years. My favorite was at a jewelry store in Nuevo Progreso. Two men leaped up from their chairs with open arms and shouted in a loud voice. “We have been waiting for you senor.” No one ever says this in real life. “Where the hell have you been” is the usual line. But here I am the Messiah come at last! So I responded in a grande way, “Yes, I have been waiting for you too. At last we are together. Now we can sit in a chalupa with our lumbago and drink a sombrero.”
I don’t want to be the ugly American. But no matter what you do you seem to fall into the role anyway. So you are tempted to give up. “No, gracias.” you say repeatedly without eye contact each time you are asked to look at or buy something. I’m sure if I were in a car accident and the ambulance attendants came to help me I would say “No gracias,” and be left for dead by the side of the road. Can’t say I’d blame them.